A Perfect Motto when Conversing

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I recently had the pleasure of taking some teen girls on a short hike through a nature preserve.

While we enjoyed spying star flowers..

...exploring old mill sites and farm walls...

...crossing streams...

...discovering frog eggs...

... spying spring blooms...

...chatting, laughing, and more, there was one thing that was not so delightful:

At times, conversation turned to those that some or all of the girls knew, and, from there, turned negative.

That was when a practical and succinct quote that I read in Counsels of Perfection for Christian Mothers came into play:

 "Speak not ill of the absent."

I recalled how the book explained that "Saint Augustine had these words posted in his refectory" and that, putting them into play, "he was not only a saint but also a man of honor." 

The book also encouraged readers to put the motto into practice and to see that families lives up to it, saying, "Your voice, with a sweet firmness, should remind those who are prone to forget, that with you, and before you, no evil must be spoken of the absent."

Perfect!

Each time the girls' conversation leaned toward speaking ill of others, I simply chimed in with "Speak not ill of the absent."

The girls then joked with me about how, if we could not speak ill of the absent, we might speak honestly - even if ill - of the present. (Girls!)

Even still, the point was made.

Succinct and powerful, "Speak not ill of the absent," has since become a motto that my daughter and I remind one another of when bad habits if ill speaking come over us.

I share the quote here in case it might help you or yours break a similar habit which hurts others and causes us to lose our way on the path toward perfection.

I also encourage you to read other gems in Counsels of Perfection for Christian Mothers.

If you don't have the book I shared links here for audio, print, an e-versions that you can access paid or for free. 

Join Me in Praying for Wayward Children This Easter...

When I first had children I was not familiar with St. Ambrose, St. Monica, and St. Augustine were. Now, they are becoming my go-to intercessors.

Why?

I have a wayward child.

Yes. Despite a long-standing desire and effort to raise children that know and love God, I have a child that is rejecting our faith.

It breaks my heart.

Truly.

Little has ever broken my heart more, and, as I head into my first Easter ever with a child that shuns our faith, it hurts more and more each day.

Luckily, I know that I am not alone.

Many mothers have faced this before. Many face it now. And more will face it in the future.

It is a hard cross to carry, but is not one that we have to carry alone.

God is with us. And, so are intercessors like St. Ambrose, St. Monica, and St. Augustine.

If you don't know much about these, let me explain their connectedness to wayward children in a nutshell:

St. Monica was the mother of a difficult child named Augustine. For over fifteen years, she cried countless tears and prayed prayer after prayer for his conversion, and, once, when she complained to St. Ambrose about Augustine, St. Ambrose told her, "Speak less to Augustine about God and more to God about Augustine."

St. Monica took this advice, persisted in her prayer, and, eventually her prayers - and the friendship that Augustine and Ambrose struck up - paid off. With God's grace and mercy, Augustine not only converted, but became a saint and doctor of the church.

One wayward child - three incredible saints close to the mind and heart for God that can intercede for us.

So it is that I, though heartbroken, am encouraged.

I know that wayward children can return to God. I know I am not alone. I know powerful intercessors are in heaven and that grace abounds.

I also understand three lessons and am taking them to heart. Perhaps, if you have a wayward child, you might be convicted by these lessons, too:

1. Pray. Persistently pray. More than you talk to your child about God, talk to God about your child. Your prayers are heard and your persistence won't go unrewarded. Our God is one of grace and mercy. Our God is bigger than our problems.

2. Pray for an "Ambrose".  Perhaps frustration, misunderstanding, and more have built so much of a barrier between you and your child that your child can no longer hear truth from you. It happens.

Don't fight it. Instead of shouting yourself hoarse without being heard, use your voice to pray for an "Ambrose" to enter your child's life. 

Pray that God will bring a person of faith into your child's life who your child can hear with greater openness than your child hears you. 

Pray that just as God sent Ambrose to Augustine, He will send your child someone with the right combination of connection, heart, and motive to move your child back to God. It can happen. St. Augustine is proof!

3. Ask for intercession for your child.  St. Monica knows our heartache. St. Ambrose knows how to reach wayward ones. St. Augustine knows the magnificent glory of conversion.Ask them to pray for your wayward child.

Pray words like these:

St. Ambrose, St. Monica, and St. Augustine, please intercede for my child.

St. Ambrose, you know the way to a wayward child's heart. You nudged St. Augustine's heart towards God. Please intercede for my child. Please ask the Lord Jesus to soften my child's heart and to prompt someone like you to take interest in my child, to reach out and be heard by my child, to lead my child toward God. 

St. Monica, you know the heartbreak I feel.  You understand the hurting, hopeless despair that befalls a mother when her child rejects our loving God. You know the longing for a child to return wholeheartedly to Christ in His Church. Please, help me. Please help me persevere in prayer as you did. Please intercede, begging the Lord to send me the grace to love my child fully through this difficult period and to draw my child toward God in whatever ways I can - and, if I cannot - to send someone who can.

Please, dear St. Monica, intercede that like your beloved Augustine, my child may come to know our loving God. 

St. Augustine, you know what it is like to reject God, and you know what it is like to turn away from that rejection - to repent, and, then embrace God fully. Please intercede for my child. Please ask our Lord to send as much grace as is necessary for my child to hear God's call and to answer it.  

This time is difficult and sometimes seems impossible to deal with, but with Christ, all things are possible, I know. You, dear Saints, know this, too. Thank you for your intercession.

St. Ambrose, St. Monica, and St. Augustine, pray for my child and for all wayward children.

Lord in Heaven, draw us to you.

Dear Mama: It's Okay to Cry

Dear Mama,

Did you have one of those days? You know, one when far too many proverbial straws pile onto your camel back before it is even 10 a.m.and you falter, then fall, feeling broken?

When you cannot hold back tears of frustration, sadness, and even anger at yourself and your own ineptness?

When you wipe those tears away, hoping no one will notice them, but they are noticed anyway - by the evil one, but - praise God - also by Him and those He has given especially to you to love and be loved by.

Today was that day for me.

So many earthly things have been piling up - broken computers, a long lost phone, health concerns, insurance battles, tax prep hurdles, missing files, behavior bumps, piled clutter, looming deadlines, short sleep... 

Straw upon straw upon straw...

Until the weight bore down and something had to give...

My stomach began a visceral cry. My eyes welled and refused to be dammed.

Silent tears pushed forth, begging for release, but bringing a torrent of emotion to the surface.

Frustration.

Sadness.

Anger at my own ineptitude.

Feeling like I was drowning.

I tried to fight the current of negativity, but the evil one had already noted it and begun to whisper taunts and lies.

I knew it was him, so I bit back my tears. But, I could not stop crying. So I cried out.

I called upon God to help me keep hopelessness at bay.

I went into the bathroom, took a breath, and began to brush my teeth, feeling bolstered, knowing I was about to go to participate in Mass, where grace abounds.

The tears ceased.

But, then, I looked in the mirror and, that evil one. He was refusing to be ousted. He distorted what I saw, and, again, the tears began to fall in steady, silent rivulets down my cheeks.

I was so tired before the day had even gotten too far underway and that evil one was causing me to see only what was wrong.

But, he could not win.

A child quietly entered the bathroom,. came up behind me, wrapped me in a quick hug, and, then departed.

Then, another child entered, offered another quick hug, and left, before a third child did the same.

Even though I felt anything but lovable, I was being loved.

God wanted me to know I was loved and my husband - who is not always the most expressive guy - did, too. 

As I walked out of the bathroom, he I walked right into his waiting arms.

Unusual.

And meaningful.

I said thank you and apologized for my tears and ineptness before we headed off to Mass.

Then, as we walked from the parking lot to the church, my daughter bounce-stepped alongside me, smiling widely, singing that she loved me, pointing out daffodils and crocuses, making every extra effort she could in a matter of mere minutes to cheer me by sharing the beauty of creation all around us.

I breathed, smiled, thanked her, and told her I loved her, too.

Then, I walked into Mass hoping no one would notice my still-red eyes.

Minutes later, settled in a pew, I knelt to pray, looked up at a stained glass image of Jesus on the cross, then down to a crucifix, and at the tabernacle, and the tears began to fall again. Silently, surreptitiously, I wiped them with a sleeve.

Jesus.  On the cross.

I knew He was there, crucified, in part because or me, yet there He remains with arms outstretched, ready to embrace me through His sacrificial love. His mercy. His grace.

He was there and is here.

I begged His forgiveness. I silently shared my burdens.gave thanks for mercy. And I wept. 

Silently, I wept.

Then, as I went to wipe my tears again, I glanced sideways and noticed my youngest's big blue eyes looking up to me. 

Oh, Mama, what are you doing to him? I chided myself.  He does not need to witness your tears. He needs to see you joy-filled.  You are at Mass. You are next to a beautiful child, surrounded by angels, embraced in love. Stop being self-centered. Comfort him and then be comforted by our Lord, focusing on Him. 
I smiled through my tears, leaned over for a moment, kissed my child on his forehead, mouthed "I love you" before turning back to the altar, knowing that I am loved...

After Mass, the day continued with ups and downs, blessings and burdens, healing moments and some more unexpected hurdles...

Many straws. Just straws.

And, yes, some tears. More tears.

But, more importantly: grace.

An encouraging word from a friend.

A child who offered to make meals, so I could concentrate on some other things.

A husband quietly washing a mountain of dishes and taking time with our children.

A family walk.

A child taking my hand and squeezing it three times in succession - our silent code for "I. love. you."

A perfectly timed moment of grace sent every time the evil one's tempting lies began to taunt me too strongly.

And, so, here I am as the day closes, tired. 

Oh so tired.  With plenty of straws still piled up, but no more tears slipping down.

Just thanks. 

So much thanks. 

Grateful for grace given me by God through those He gifts me with.

Mama, if you, too, are having one of those days, don't let the devil get too far. Call upon the Lord and rest assured - in one way or another, through one person or another - He will drive the lies away and help you see the blessings of the day even amidst its burdens.

Truly, Mama, if it's one of those days, it's okay to cry. 

Just cry out to Him.

He loves you.

You are loved.

Signed
Grateful for Love

What One Simple Habit Helps Us Break the Grip of Vice?

Do you find yourself and your family sometimes forgetting to practice an attitude of gratitude?

Have acerbic tongues and overly critical eyes ever infected your household?

Well, you're not alone.

Despite a desire to train happy hearts in our home, my family sometimes falls prey to unmeritorious habits:

Complaining. Criticizing. Fault-finding. Nit picking. Ingratitude. Contemptousness.

A host of ill tendencies begin to tarnish our souls, and I sadly notice a developing practice of lambasting, instead of loving one another.

It's ugly, but it's not irreversible.

One simple habit nips such negativity in the bud:

Gratitude and celebrating greatness!

Years ago, I developed a practice of "celebrating greatness" on days when the simple act of piling into our minivan brought more mayhem than merriment to my family.

The practice was simple:

I would ask, "Who wants to hear about their greatness?" and, then, I would name something specific that I had seen or heard each of my children doing well earlier in day, or I'd describe a special moment when I had witnessed them all working or playing together with virtue.

After that, my children would begin to pipe up with their own ideas - spontaneously celebrating one another's individual strengths and, sometimes, commenting on their own as well.

Before we knew it, negativity dissipated and virtue once again became our focus.

Celebrating greatness became a valuable practice for resetting our mouths, hearts, and minds.

Yet, it was more of a reaction than a preventative habit for happiness. We used it more often to reframe or heal rather than to ingrain and promote.

Recently, that has changed.

Overtiredness, puberty, neuro-differences, and more have been getting the best of us all too often lately, and I recognized that my children and would do well to more regularly heed the words in Philippians 4:8-9:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Phil 4: 8-9

So, I decided to get proactive about things and to build a habit for happiness and peace - a habit of gratitude and celebrating greatness. 

The way we are doing so is easy:

During our first car ride of the day, at bedtime, or both, I say, "I'm thankful for..." and name something specific about the day. Then, I ask each of my children - and my husband when he is with us - to follow suit.

After that, I ask who wants to celebrate greatness first, and we each take turns naming something about one another that we are thankful for that day or that we noticed as positive.

Granted, sometimes, due to grumpiness, one of us struggles to find good in the day or in one another. However, usually another of us is more than happy to help out - offering ideas of things to be thankful for and recalling meritorious moments.

Because we know that at least once a day we'll each be asked to verbalize gratitude and greatness, we tend to focus on the true, noble, right, pure, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy a bit more.

Our habit of sharing gratitude and greatness shines a spotlight on virtue and helps break the hold that vice sometimes grips us in.

Might naming something your thankful for and something specifically good about one another on a daily basis turn into a habit for happiness in your family too? What other practices for peace and love do you promote?

You Never Know which Habits Will Stick... and How Much Hope They'll Bring

My oldest has been in a tween-ragery stage and sometimes the blustering is still full blown at bedtime. Yet, no matter how silly or sullen he's been being, I almost always see him go out to our living room helves, grab his little blue book, and pray his bedtime prayers, which, by now, he's more or less memorized.  

So why does he grab his blue book? Why does he flip to its final page to pray an Examen and Act of Contrition?

Why doesn't he just pray his bedtime prayers from memory? 

Why is it his particular habit that has stuck for him when so few of the other habits we attempt to build here have not?  Seriously, why this one?  

Habits we have been encouraging for many more years have been rejected or are still in development.  Some of the other prayer habits that the same prayer book tool promotes have been ignore.

Other prayer habits - like morning prayers - are oft only habitual with my son when done as a family.

But the Evening Prayers ritual? It has become a strong habit.

Why?

To be honest, I just do not know, and I am no sure I ever will. I am, however, ever-grateful to his prior co-op teacher for initiating this independent prayer habit and to the Spirit for whispering to my son each night, prompting him to pray even when he's being stormy.

Bedtime prayers with his falling apart blue book. Undoubtedly, the act or praying them brings grace to my son, and, surely, witnessing my sometimes challenging tween grab his prayer book brings hope to me.

Lately, there are many nights when, by bedtime, I am spent.  Drained. Discouraged. Weary from efforts to connect, correct, redirect, reset, and, of course, love my son through the challenging phase he is going through. The glaring difficulties of the day sometimes make it hard for me to reflect upon the quieter moments of sweetness, virtue, and Spirit-led growth that are there.

Then, my boy's hand opens his blue book, his lips move silently in prayer, and the Spirit reminds me - Momma, not despair, prayer.  

What habits are helping you and your tween or teen make it through more challenging day and nights?

How to Resist Sin while Preparing for Marriage and Family Life {A Review}

Are you looking for a frank, faith-filled, yet modern resource to help young men navigate post-pubescent pre-martial years? Then, take a look at Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality by Hal and Melanie Young of Great Waters Press.

I just finished reading a review copy of this 96 page softcover book and found it to be a succinct, worthy resource that:

• answered awkward questions in a Biblical context.
• offered practical tips for avoiding temptation or recovering from poor choices.
• discussed how to shave healthy, faith-abiding relationships with young women.
• suggested ways to ready yourself for marriage, pursuing a wife in the right way.

Moreover, the book touched on modern topics - such as gender issues and the easy-access of porn - with clarity and charity from a Biblical viewpoint.
Included in the book are:

• an engaging introduction with a sad, but true fact on page two about when boys these days are being drawn into impurity.

• a Bible-based explanation of how Sex Was God's Idea in chapter one.

• clear summaries, like this one at the end of chapter two that reminds you of salient points.

• a reality check on page 31 of Chapter three, The Enemy Perverts God's Design, which explains sexual sin and the rising prevalence and accessibility of temptations.

• practical suggestions, including the ones pictured below from page 51 of chapter four that answer the question , How Can a Young Man Keep His Way Pure.  (As a side note: I laughed aloud when I read about singing to the Lord to avoid temptation.  That would never fly with my now 12-year old.  But, honestly, it is not a bad idea for those who like singing.  And, having accountability partners is always a sound idea, I think!)

• encouragement, like that on page 68 of chapter five, Recovering From a Fall.

• suggestions for Guys and Girls to have healthy relationship, as explained on page 73 and elsewhere in chapter six.

• mature advice on when to get married - after you've laid the groundwork to support a wife and family.

• a realistic, edifying, and encouraging conclusion- part of which on page 94 emphasizes how different today's landscape is from that of prior generations, yet how the basics remain the same.  

Scripture also, of course, plays into every chapter of the book.

Truly, I found Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality to be a concise, real, and encouraging book for modern young men of faith to encourage them towards purity and away from pitfalls. 

That said, I do have two cautions about the book:

1.  The book is written for young men ages 12 to 20-something since authors Hal and Melanie have been discovering younger and younger boys facing temptations against purity, however, because some of the book (chapter two) is detailed in biological nature and much speaks of pitfalls all young men can face but some have not been exposed to, I would suggest parents read the book first before handing it over to sons. 

None of the book is written in an uncouth or inappropriate manner.  All of it points towards a Biblical basis.  However, some of it may be "beyond" what some young men are ready for.  It certainly is for my 12-year-old.  So, I will use the book as a resource for me to draw from when conversing with my son for now, and, only later, may give it to my son to read.

2. For fellow Roman Catholics, on pages 39-40, there is true discussion of how Timothy pointed toward marriage for bishops, elders, and deacons.  This may be confusing for some young men who have been taught that priests need to be celibate.  If this becomes an issue, I would simply point them towards the fact that Paul was a celibate priest, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 7-10, and go from there with discussion.

These two points, though, are hardly reason not to recommend Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality.  For the book truly is a well-written, real, and modern resource for parents who want to raise - and young men who seek to be - Christian men of character.

Learn More


You can read what other Homeschool Review Crew families thought about Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality and about No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope (a wonderful resource I reviewed earlier).

Read all the reviews!

You can also connect with the Youngs on social media:

• http://facebook.com/raisingrealmen
• http://facebook.com/halandmelanie
• http://instagram.com/raisingrealmen
• http://pinterest.com/raisingrealmen
• http://twitter.com/raisingrealmen
  
  
  

  

Parent Tweens with Grace and Hope? {A Review}

Whether you are on the cusp of parenting a tween or in the thick of things, the book No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope from Great Waters Press is one I'd suggest reading!

The book is filled with memorable anecdotes, practical recommendations, solid Scripture, and a great balance of education and encouragement about successfully parenting your tweens!

Authors Hal and Melanie Young, who are internationally known Christian publishers, writers, bloggers, and popular conference speakers, hit on a wide variety of topics in this 204 page softcover book aimed at parents of children ages 8-14 and - as they so often do in other parenting books - prove themselves a wonderfully wise, practical, and refreshingly real duo!  

Drawing on their personal experience as parents of six boys and two girls as well as on encounters with others tween parents, Hal and Melanie write in a conversational tone about how to navigate the often trying tween years using a Christ-centered approach to parenting that will help you protect your relationship with your children as they continue to grow. 

As I read the book, load stood out to me - making me nod in recognition, "a ha" with "that makes sense", pause to let words sinks in, and more.

I also found myself sharing about the book before I had even finished reading it. 

In fact, I began the book just after I had faced a typical tween mini-meltdown, and, since the book immediately gave me perspective that helped me move on with the day in a Christ-centered, relational, understanding way, I found myself bringing it up to a friend.

Then, as some other parents and I sat chatting at a campout about our hormonallly charged, emotional tweens,  I found myself sharing more. (I had been reading the book in the early dawn hours in my tent.)

There were just so many facts, tips, anecdotes, and ideas that jumped off the page as I read.  Some of them included:

What research says about hormonal surges in tweens on page seven of in Chapter 1: Getting Bigger.  That sure explains a lot about my kiddoes!

The reminder on page 16 of Chapter 2: The Rollercoaster.  How many times a day since I have read this, have I thought, "Martianne, don't get on the rollercoaster!"

The story on page 30 of Chapter 3: Brains Turn to Mush.  Oh, how many times I have thought my children were being lazy or disobedient.  Maybe their just distracted by their internal changes.

A well-timed reminder on page 49 of Chapter 4: Many A Conflict, Many A Doubt helped me remember not to freak out!

On page 58 of Chapter 5: The Awakening a sad fact hit me hard.

Page 88 of Chapter 6: Social Struggles I was reminded how important it is to start awkward conversations early.

On page 96 of Chapter 7: Media, Gaming, and Discernment, I discovered practical questions to help my child.

Page 117 of Chapter 8: Conflict at Home affirmed our family choice to set aside Our Lord's Day for family time and memories.

On page 132 of Chapter 9: Transitioning, I was encouraged to keep on training and checking in as my kiddoes travel the road to adult responsibility.

I thought the ritual the authors discuss in Chapter 10: Celebrating Growth was interesting - although I am not sure my family will follow suit.

Chapter 11: Producers, Not Consumers was inspiring and real - and echoes my own thoughts in many places, like on page 172.

The final chapter: The Next Big Thing is full of great ideas and gems, as well as worthy cautions, like the one on page 180.

There is so much more, too.  Hal and Melanie truly cover a lot of ground in No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope, using a straight-forward, personable, Christ-centered approach.

Learn More

Hal and Melanie have written many wonderful books, including Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality, which I am digging into next and will review later this week.

You can read all the Homeschool Revew Crew reviews to see how each family liked the books.

Read all the reviews!

You can also connect with the Youngs on social media:

• http://facebook.com/raisingrealmen
• http://facebook.com/halandmelanie
• http://instagram.com/raisingrealmen
• http://pinterest.com/raisingrealmen
• http://twitter.com/raisingrealmen
  
  
  
  

  

Parenting Made Practical {A Review}

Ever have one of those days when you could use extra encouragement and practical ideas for helping your beloved children shine as respectful, responsible ones?  I know I certainly do, and that is why I was happy to review What Every Child Should Know Along the Way and  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think from Parenting Made Practical.

What Every Child Should Know Along the Way by Gail Martin packs a ton of practical ideas for parents of preschoolers through college-age children into a slim 151 pages.  I began reading the book when my children, then me, were hit with the flu and, immediately found myself recognizing so many of the truths in it and becoming further convicted of the importance of teaching my children practical life skills and encouraging habits of virtuous living.

"The Twelve Rules for Rising Delinquent Children" shared in the introduction seemed quite apropos to me - and my husband when I shared  it with him - regarding our thoughts on what we do NOT want to do with our children and what we see far too many parents doing these days.  In fact, the list struck us so much, that my husband brought the book to share the list at a dad's group meeting he was going to while I stayed home to nurse our children.  Meanwhile, I reflected on some of the many ideas and verses shared in the book's chapters on:

• practicing family devotions
• cultivating family unity
• acknowledging and using gifts and talents as tools given by God for serving Him
• developing character

Later, when I got the book back, I read through the chapter on manners, recognizing some manners my children have already mastered he practice of, but far ore we need to work on.  Then, I dove into the meat of the book - the part I was most looking forward to having on hand - the chapters on practical life skills and personal safety.

These chapters provided detailed lists of skills and knowledge children from ages 2 on up might master.  As I read the lists, I mused at how my children had not mastered some of the skills suggested for kids younger than they are, and, yet had mastered other skills suggested for much older children.  I also began noting what skills I wanted to work with my children on next.

The need for "up next" skills only became amplified the following week when my children recovered from the flu and I went down with it. As I laid on our couch plagued by aches, high fevers, and lightheadedness while my children prepared food, did dishes, brought me drinks, or simply sat with me, letting me know they understood how horribly I felt and wanted to help, I became extraordinarily grateful for past efforts in training my children up.  Their kindness and help truly strengthened me despite my physical illness. 

However, all did not continue with gratitude and great kids.  As my bout with the flu wore on from days to a week - my children's attitudes and ability to happily help plummeted.  We are all very unused to me being down so long, and, I realized just how much training my children (and I!) still need as we grow in godly living.  Thus, once I recovered, I placed What Every Child Should Know Along the Way on my bedside to be at the ready whenever I needed a map - or even just a verse from Scripture - to guide our next growth steps.   I also found myself sharing ideas from the book with several mom friends who asked about what chores would be good for their children to begin mastering at what ages and explained just how helpful I have been finding this easy-to-use guide as to what children need to know and are capable of learning at what ages and stage.

Honestly, What Every Child Should Know Along the Way is one of the most practical, packed yet easy to use, resources I have seen for parents seeking:

• Scriptural references for teaching children about character
• how-to's about etiquette.
• detailed lists and charts of practical life skills for children from toddlers to college age.
• concrete ideas for teaching children about personal safety - from "stranger danger" to electricity to swimming, hiking, biking, motor vehicles, animals, and more. 

Of course, because all families and individuals within them are different, not every single point in the book will ring true for everyone, but all point,  believe, will help you decide what you want - and need - to teach your child at what ages so your child can succeed in this life and, God-willing, enter into eternal life.  Homeschool mom and author Gail Martin truly has compiled a handy, on-point resource for practical life skills and personal safety, weaving faith-based ideas right in alongside more mundane needs.

In fact, there is very little in the slim and practical What Every Child Should Know Along the Way that I did not appreciate save a few minor typos.  However, I make errors and typos all the time, so I can definitely forgive the ones I found in this book, especially since the book offers such a plethora of sound lists, practical tips, helpful ideas, and pointed Scriptural references.  I have already recommended the book to a number of local friends and, now, recommend it to you, too, should you be looking for a concise yet complete Christian resource to guide you in teaching your children practical life skills in every stage of life.

Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, a 53-minute video for parents of children ages 5 and up, came as a bonus surprise in my package from Parenting Made Practical, and I am glad it did.  For, with two tweens in our house, boundaries are often pushed, and with them, proverbial "buttons" are, too.  As buttons get pushed, I admit, my husband and I sometimes depart from being the steadfastly calm, loving, and relational parents we desire to be and slip into "mean Mom and Dad" mode, reacting to our children's choices and behaviors with ineffectual lectures and lousy parenting habits.  Thus, Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think became a welcome "parenting retreat" for me, guiding me to get back on course with more effective parenting practices.

The first time I began to watch Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, I sequestered myself in my room with my laptop after a hard day in the parenting trenches and immediately recognized that the video was created by real parents with real tried-and-true ideas to share.  For, although the quality of the video was fine for my laptop screen viewing, it was not filled with big company bells and whistles.  Rather, it was simply a recording of Joey and Carla link - a husband and wife team - offering a live audience sound explanations about why lecturing children does not work and giving their audience (and me!) practical ideas for what to do instead of lecturing.

As Joey and Carla offered wisdom as parent educators who have served families for over 25 years, they tied in Scripture, hints of humor, and relatable anecdotes. They also brought home certain points using slides that are paralleled by the FREE study notes documents they offer on their website.  Plus, Joey and Carla's daughter joined them on stage a couple times, so Joey and his daughter could offer demonstrations of ineffectual lecturing and purposeful questioning.  Though a bit "canned", these demonstrations were useful in helping me to hear and visualize what works and what does not work.

Now, of course, no 53-minute video can offer all the tools parents might need to permanently change their own behavior nor that of their children.  However, Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think certainly offers key takeaways that can be applied with ease and effectiveness.  Among them are:

1. Teach expectations explicitly.
2. Get to know your child's temperament
3. Do not get into power struggles with your child.
4. Keep asking questions that will make your child think at a deeper level, dealing with the issues as opposed to simply symptoms.

Of course, all these takeaways are packaged with further details and practical tips, including 10 questions a parent might pose to a child instead of lecturing and a list of phrases parents should not accept as answers.

Now, I admit, the first time I watched Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think I did not glean everything I could from it.  In fact, I dozed off a few times.  However, I can also attest that my drowsiness had nothing to do with Joey and Carla's presentation.  Rather, it had everything to do with far too many late nights and early mornings for me coupled with a challenging parenting day.  Thus, when I was more alert, I watched the video a second time - and that was when the simple genius of Joey and Carla's tips for questioning in lieu of lecturing really crystallized in my brain and went into my parenting toolkit.  Indeed, the very next day, my oldest child pushed limits and buttons several times, and, instead of lecturing, I began questioning.

As might be expected, my tween son attempted to derail my questioning and respond with wishy washy and unacceptable answers.  At that point, I did not raise my voice, revert to lecturing, or anything.  I simply asked him to leave the room and come back when he was ready to answer the question I asked.

My son ended up having to leave three times before he chose to answer my questions honestly, and, then, admitted he knew what he had done was lacking in virtues and that he needed to name what he had done to his brother, ask for his brother's forgiveness, and offer his brother amends.  Now, this sibling reconciliation technique did not come from Joey and Carla's video - it is something we have long used in our house - but the ability to get to the point of reconciliation without loud lecturing on my part or huge drama on my son's part was a direct result of my applying techniques and language gleaned from Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think.

I just love when I am able to invest a brief period of my time into a parenting help and to come away with distinct ideas and tools that can be applied to my present parenting.  Since this has been the case for me with Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, I do not hesitate to recommend it as a helpful resource for parents like me that need practical ideas to move themselves away from lecturing and into practices that allow them to discover their children's areas of need and motivate their children to make right choices in the future.

Learn More

Parenting Made Practical offers a variety of books and videos to “encourage and equip parents to practically raise obedient, respectful, and responsible children in today’s world," such as:

Eighty Homeschool Review Crew families read or viewed some of these.  You an find all the reviews by clicking through the banner.

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