My 30 in 90 List: An Intentional Home Project

One day folks will enter this door and not be unpleasantly surprised by the clutter inside.

Quite some time ago, I bumped into the 101 in 1001 idea. Since I love making lists, I began making one, but between interruptions from my children and then subsequent computer failures, that list never got finished  Such was not the best start for completing 101 specific tasks in 2.75 years, I must say.

Then, at the beginning of August, something jogged my memory about the 101 in 1001 project and I was this close to beginning to list away again.  Thankfully, I realized that doing so would be a time waster.  Life-as-Mom these past six-plus years has proven that life as Super-Task-Checker-Martianne is on standstill, at least when it comes to grand plans. 

So it was that I caught myself about to list instead of to live.  Promptly, I determined that taking time to list 101 ideas would be wasteful.  It would also set me up for defeat.

Truly, my current season of life requires me to simplify – to think (and live!) 10-15 minutes at a time.  Any longer than that and the kids tend to wreak havoc somewhere in the house or yard, requiring me to invest double to triple the amount of time I spent doing whatever I was doing in order to face the consequence of having done it.  Too many times, I have learned the same lesson:  when I shift focus away from my children for a twenty minute or more chunk of a day, there is a frustrating price to pay.

Another thing I have learned:  Be yourself!  Living without authenticity is not living at all and, if I am to be 100% honest, lists seem strongly woven into the fabric of my being.  Even as a young child, I made lists.  (Here, I smile nostalgically as I recall the pages and pages of class lists of imaginary students that I would check off when playing school.)  Making lists; looking them over; and checking them off  may not always be the most productive thing to do, but it is something I do.

My 30 in 90 List Project

One success of my 30 in 90 List Project:  On a recent morning, the "big kids" actually woke before Jack.  What a joy it was to see them run to the door to wave bye-bye to Daddy as Daddy went off to work. 

So it was that I decided to create a 30 in 90 list.  That is 30 specific things to accomplish within 90 days with the children alongside me or in a nearby room.  Now, I know that “30 in 90” doesn’t have the same visual appeal as “101 in 1001”, but the lower digits offered me hope of success!  Plus, it sounded better than “30 in 90, minus weekends, when I have another goal system in progress”, which, in actuality, is what my plan should have been called.

But, I digress...

As I laid out my 30 in 90, I wanted a clear framework that was more specific than just “30 things” – something that would help move me forward with specific intentions.

Since I had promised myself and my husband that I would organize the upper portion of our home before Advent 2012, I knew part of that framework had to based on that goal. 

Since the new school year was already upon us, I decided to include an academic focus within the framework.  

Finally, since I have been focused on the better living the motto of “people before things”, I decided to round out my self-created framework with that concept. 

Thus, the parameters for my 30 in 90 list became:

• one relational goal
• one practical cleaning/de-cluttering/organizing goal
• and one homeschool-related goal

related to each of the upper areas of our home.

Perfect. 

Or maybe not.

Accountability Time! 

Mike is not killing clutter (though he'd like to).  He is trying to play Jedi Warrior around the boxes that are, thankfully, no longer crowding our hallway.

It appears my goal was still too large.  (Or was my focus and motivation too lacking?)  As my the 90 days come to a close, I realize that my 30 in 90 was less successful than I had hoped it would be.

As things in my life too often do, my 30 in 90 List proved easier to create than to complete.  In black-and-white, my project was a big failure.  I do not yet have 30 items checked off.  But I am not always a black-and-white sort of girl.  I like color.  So, I am counting the project as a success despite the lack of checkmarks on my list. 

Why?

My 30 in 90 project focused helped me make progress on some things that were hitherto just thoughts and ideas.  And, something is better than nothing.  In fact, it’s enough to motivate me for my next project:  One Main Thing in Seven – a joint effort to be made by my husband and I that I may write about later.

Just What Were My 30 in 90?

Doesn't everyone have a pet slug in the entry to their home?  It wasn't part of my 30 in 90 plan, but it was a reality that made for three very happy children for a while.

For the record, just because “30 in 90” did not fully work for me over the past few months does not mean it will not be an effective approach at future point when focus, time and motivation coincide better  Nor does it mean that the idea could not work for someone else.  So, I am sharing the nitty gritty of my list below as fodder for my own later progress as well as inspiration for others:

Stoop

• Increasingly stop what I am doing when Mike leaves in the morning to see him off and, then, say a prayer for him and his day.  (Hopefully, the kids will model after me.) – Check!  Going well!  Not 100%, but nothing beats Jack (and sometimes Nina and Luke) standing on the stoop with me, all of us waving to Daddy and blowing him kisses as he drives away.  What a simple, but joyful way to start the day with love and relationships!  I highly recommend it!
• Clear the clutter off the stoop and scrub its “floor” down. – Check! The stoop is clear and Clean.  Getting it that way was a Practical Life activity for the kids and me that taught me a thing or two.  Hoorah.
• Create and implement the use of a Practical Life Skills Tidy Time card. – Partial check.  The card is designed, printed, but not yet in use.

Entry

• Increasingly stop what I am doing when Mike comes home each day to offer him a proper welcome.  – Hmmm.  Stopping a thing in motion (particularly this Mommy in motion) can be so difficult!  Gotta work on that.
• De-clutter:  Pair down our shoe explosion; “weed” entry shelf;  attack and organize front closet. – Well, we “edited” out all the kids’ outsized shoes, but still have a long way to go with this checkpoint.
• Create Hand Cleaning and Nature Nook.  Housing for our pet slug took over the space where I was going to put our Hand Cleaning and Nature Nook, so. I aborted this goal.  Our slug “Flash” didn’t make it, so we’ve just removed his home and now the space is again ready for work.

Living Room

• Enjoy focused floortime or face-to-face outdoor play with each child individually on a daily basis. – Partial check.  You’d think it would be easy when you’re with your children almost 24/7 to do this, but getting true 1-to-1 time can be challenging.  It’s high on my priority list for my 42^nd year to schedule such time in more regularly until it becomes a regular habit.
• Create Space:  “Edit” out some furniture; remove some toys and books. – Check! I removed some of the furniture, toys and books, so there is more space.  However, the room still feels crowded.  It is somehow overflowing.  I need to keep at it.
• Make a plan for better utilizing the kid’s kitchen in living room until it finds a home in to-be-created downstairs family room.  Then begin implementing the plan. – Ideas are simmering on the back burner of my brain, but implementation... No check.

Kitchen

• Celebrate together through monthly Liturgical Teas. – Check!  We even had a second impromptu one in August.  This is a habit we are all enjoying the formation of!
• Spend at least the equivalent of five minutes daily de-cluttering an re-organizing for better family food culture. – Okay, so I needed to revise this checkpoint early on because I did not spent five minutes a day each day we were home and also ended up not being home for a week when we went to see the in-laws.  I thought I could catch up by spending about fifteen minutes a day on the days when we are actually home for the remainder of the 90 days when I initially revised my plan, but, um...  failed!  Oh, to have little mice to help make my dream of kitchen organization a reality.
• Revive and maintain Produce Power campaign. – Check!  I revamped what we are doing and we are making strides in getting more produce power into the kiddoes!  Whoo hoo!

Deck

• Enjoy breakfast and Circle Time on deck whenever weather is fair and we are not in a rush to get somewhere.  – Adapted Check.  We started doing this on days when the kids didn’t request the front yard, which is their preferred spot these days on many mornings.  However, as the EEE risk (deadly mosquito disease) got high in our area, we began staying inside in the early a.m. and at dusk.
• Organize space better for learning, playing and dining. –  No check, for the reason above.  When we are outside, we tend to stay in the front yard, further from the mosquito-breeding wetlands out back.
• Create and implement the use of a Practical Life Skills Tidy Time card. – No check yet.

Hall

• Stop when passing one another in the hall to acknowledge one another with smiles and love. – Sad to say, not a full check yet.  I can be so narrowly focused when getting from literal Point A to Point B and the kids tend to follow my lead on this.
• Get the boxes back out and the “art space” up.  – Check! A quickie art space is up thanks to our Piet Mondrian study, and I finally kept my promise to Mike and cleared the boxes back out. 
• Create and implement the use of a Practical Life Skills Tidy Time card. – The card is designed, printed, but not yet in use.

Bathroom

• Get back to Tubby Fun Focus. – Um, a water issue between the bathroom floor and the basement nixed this checkpoint.  We have not allowed tubbies for over a month, just quick showers.
• De-clutter and label closet, cupboard and drawers (again).—No check.  I found that trying to do anything in the bathroom when the kids are around just begs for disaster as they entertain themselves in the small space of the bathroom with me – or worse – get into things elsewhere.
• Begin better oral health focus.—A weak check and no excuses for it not being stronger.  We really need to get on this, especially since Luke has turned into Mr. Shark with grown up teeth growing behind baby teeth.  Dentist appointment, here we come.

Bedroom

• Increasingly go to bed at the same time as Mike in our room, not the kids’ room.—Big fail thus far.
• Reduce clutter; label anything remaining “on hold” in the room.—I have made slight progress with this, but only slight.  The paper monsters that leered from so many other areas of the house found their way into our room and are taking soooo long to get through.
• Reorganize homeschool resource shelf.—Reorganized, but disorganized again.  Obviously, the plan needs revamping.

Boys’ Room

• Spend five or more minutes of Mommy and me time a day.—Jack and I are doing this consistently on the days when we are home at his nap time.  Luke and I are not nearly as consistent and sorely need to be.  That boy needs his mom-and-me room time.
• Revamp “storage areas” (closet, desk and shelves).—Partial check.  Luke and I started this, but never finished.
• Ask children to spend time at least three times a week with me maintaining the room.—Partial check.  Not up to three times a week and need to be.

Girl’s Room

• Spend five or more minutes of Mommy and me time a day.—Failing, but not always.  On the days I spend time with Nina in her room with “just us”, she beams.
• Revamp “storage areas” (closet, shelves, etc.).—Failing and facing explosions.
• Ask children to spend time at least three times a week with me maintaining the room. Partial check.  When do attack tidies and maintenance in Nina’s room, it always seems to come with a fight.  Not good.

The Most Important Check:  Reality Check

We want to freely experience more of this.  Thus, my determination to get to more of my 30-in-90 goals must remain steadfast, even if attacked through a different approach.  A decluttered home, where learning and relationships thrive daily will afford the freedom for LOTS of days off elsewhere.

As reality evidences, my list was too ambitious and my discipline too lacking to get all 30 things done in 90 days.  It also shows that some rooms had little to no progress, tasks related to learning goals could use some focus and relationships are strong, but habits that help keep them that way could be better attended to.

Perhaps if I reduce the clutter in my brain and on my list by narrowing things down from a 30 in 90 approach to a One Main Thing in Seven Days focus, I will experience greater success with everything.  As I mentioned before, that is exactly what Mike and I are planning to do.

SPD Connection

When I am smart, I set the kids up with sensory diet activities before attempting to attack any to-do's.

 I thought that yesterday would be the last time I posted this month, but when I realized my 90 days were up, I began assessing my progress and felt inspired to log it here.  Thus, another October post and another word on SPD:

All moms know that it can be difficult to advance with clearing, cleaning and organization (as well as to attend to other projects) with little ones underfoot.  Moms of children with SPD know it can be even more challenging to do so when a “sensory kid” demands extra time and focus.  Although I can hardly blame the condition of our home on Luke’s neurology, I will say that all the time and energy that we spent with therapies and behavior issues prior to changing Luke’s (and our entire family’s) diet certainly did nothing to help things.   

Further, even since changing Luke's food diet, it can still be difficult to get things accomplished on the occasions that I neglect to pay close attention to his sensory diet. When I get into go-mode and forget to ensure that Luke gets enough vestibular and proprioceptive activities in, or when I leave him to make his own activity choices for too long, things get ugly.  I usually end up having to come to a screeching halt to deal with fall out.

Likewise, as my husband periodically reminds me:  just as Luke’s neurology has affected my efforts to declutter and to make headway on other projects, my failure to effectively reduce mental, physical and schedule clutter affects Luke’s neurology.  Mike and I both truly believe that having a less-cluttered, tidier home (and schedule) would benefit Luke.  My mental clutter overflows into Luke's over-active brain, it seems. Physical clutter adds yet another dimension of input that Luke's system has to process.  A busy schedule creates too many transitions, which are tough for Luke, just as they are for many kids with sensory issues.

There is always work to be done.

Resetting in the sunshine makes the task list less daunting.

Thankfully, we know the value of play and time for resetting, too.  It keeps the smiles on our faces and the light shining at the end of the task-tunnel.  For intentional living is more than task lists; it is breathing in the goodness of life.

Find Five Ways... A Simple Strategy for Overcoming Unkind Hands, Words and Feet

Unkind hands.  Unkind words.  Unkind feet. 

The boys needing a "relationship repair"...

When you are living with a household of young ones, such things can seem to proliferate. 

My remedy?  Habit training!

Whose habits?  Everyone’s!

Like many children, mine have some frustrating habits of hitting, yelling, threatening, biting, pushing, kicking light-sabering, etc.

In reaction to such behaviors, I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen into some not-so-productive habits of yelling, over-talking, getting upset, doling out punishments or otherwise generally adding to angst and negativity in our household whenever the kids “get into it” with one another or with me.

This is a problem.  A big problem, in my opinion, as it directly opposes our family mission to S.M.I.L.E. 

So, I decided to do something about it.  Something simple.  Something I could stand by.  Something that would focus us all on discipline not punishment and on kind habits to build, instead of negative behaviors to avoid.

Enter:

Find Five Ways

Relationship healed! Smiles restored.

Whenever one of the children uses their hands, words or feet unkindly, I simply stop what we are doing, name what they have done and ask them in a calm tone to find five ways to use their hands, words or feet in a positive way.  I remind them to consider making amends for whatever they have done and repairing relationships with whomever they have hurt.

Example One: Words

When Nina bursts forth with, “I wish my brother was never even born!”, I say, “Nina, those words are hurtful.  Please find five ways to use kind and loving words.”

Then, if she doesn’t begin to do so within a minute or two, I motivate her to do so by letting her know “Nina, you must first find five ways to use kind and loving words before you can join us for (whatever the next fun thing we have planned in our day is.)”

Then, Nina usually gets started:

“Mommy, I love you... Jack, I love you...  Jack, you are such a good brother.” 

I see positive energy building in her, but no recognition of the fact that her words hurt her older brother, not her younger one.  Thus, I calmly say, “Nina,  I love you, too, and so does, Jack.  I bet Luke is feeling sad.  You hurt him with your words before...” 

Within a few minutes, Nina usually then succumbs to an “I’m sorry, Luke.”  Then, I ask her to find for one more way to use kind words and we are off with the rest of our day.

Example Two:  Feet

Luke kicks out at Jack in frustration when Jack comes too close to Luke as Luke is seeking alone time. I come to the room, observe and note, “Luke, you hurt your baby brother.  He’s crying.  I had to stop doing my chore so I could help calm him. Please find five kind ways to use kind feet towards your brother and towards our house.”  Luke balks for a moment, but then walks over to his crying brother to give him a hug. 

He walks to me to give me a hug.

“You are using your feet to walk to each of us to give hugs.  I love your hugs.  You need to use your feet to help our home, too.”

“Aw, Mom.  Why do I always have to clean?” Luke retorts.

“Luke, you stopped Mommy from doing chores right now, so you need to take some time to help our home.  Please walk around until you find three things to pick up and put away.”

Begrudgingly, Luke picks up three things in his room.  Without even realizing it, he picks up a fourth.  I thank him and he goes back to his drawing and coloring.

Example Three: Hands

Jack tries to tear something out of Luke’s hands at the table.  I stop eating, and helping to pry Jack’s fingers off the thing to give back to Luke, I say, “Jack, you used unkind hands.  Hands are not for grabbing.  They are for hugging. Please hug Luke.”  Jack smiles and hugs Luke.

“Thank you, Jack.  You hugged Luke.”  Jack laughs and hugs Luke again.

“What other fun things can we do with our hands?”  I ask.

Nina and Luke suggest things such as clapping and tickling.  Jack and his siblings begin to do each thing. 

By the time we reach five “good” things we can do with out hands, everyone is giggling and we get on with our meal and circle time.

Does It Always Work?

I have been employing this strategy for over a week now with great success, but can already attest:  It does not always work flawlessly all the time. 

Sometimes I have to strongly hold the kids to task, counting off their “kind” actions as they go and sticking to them like a shadow until they finish the challenge.

Sometimes they refuse to act kindly and then are required to “shadow me” until they have found five ways to use their hands, words or feet kindly.  Often, when they are shadowing me, they whine.  Whining is considered “ugly” in our home and “hurts other’s ears”, so if they whine, they have to add five kind and loving ways to use their voices to their list of must-do’s.  It can begin a viscous cycle, but through prayer and patience, I usually endure, and, in time, they reset with positive actions and words.

Will you have success with Find Five Ways, too?  I hope so!  Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Hum A Little: A Simple Strategy for Homemaking and Creating a More Misson-Minded Environment

Too often in the recent years I have caught myself resonating busyness, frustration and exhaustion instead of joy.  This does not bode well for maintaining a happy home environment. It also acts against our mission to S.M.I.L.E and does not align well with our homeschooling Rule of Seven.  So, I decided to do something about it:

HUM!

Through the years, I have known a number of people who express their peace, joy and cheerful moods through singing quietly to themselves. In doing so, these hummers seem to create a more comfortable, secure and cheerful environment around them.  So, despite never being much of a hummer myself, I thought I would give it a go.

It works!

When I catch myself feeling less than enthused about a chore at hand, I consciously choose to hum.  When I feel content, I try to express it with “a joyful noise”.  When I am trying to slow myself down, I set the pace with a quietly sung song.  When I am on the verge of yelling – if I think before teetering right off the brink – I take a deep breath and hum.  And, do you know what?  It. Is. Good.  Not just for me, but for my children and the overall environment of our home.

Through outwardly (albeit quietly) singing, I can feel myself embodying contentedness more.  I can see that happiness reflected in my children.  I can understand how the simple strategy of humming – with the breath, beat and all else in entails – is a solid on.

Nina's clean-up time coming can turn into full-blown "sit down everyone" shows...

Plus, I can smile in amusement as my 20-month old dances to the simple tunes I come up with.  I can listen with pleasure as my four-year-old models me, humming and singing her own soundtrack to the day.  And, I can breathe in relief as my six-year-old, who sometimes goes into sensory overload when recorded music is added to the rest of the input he coming at him in a given moment, becomes more tolerant of music in the background (and the forefront!) of  our daily life, even joining in song with me at times.

Who knew that simply parting your lips with a tune could provide such a catalyst for contentment?

Historically, many folks, I guess.  More recently, my children and me!

Do you hum, too?  Or, have you found other ways to express and engender joy in your environment?




Sharing at We Are THAT Family's WFMW.

Cleaning Up with Fine Motor Fun!

Lately, Luke and Nina have been less than eager to help clean up their toys and learning things after using them.  And, too often, they have not been keeping their activities to “okay” places, such as corralled upon a tray, pan, blanket or towel.  So, toys - especially “small-bits” and “construction” items - sometimes end up all over the floor, appearing as a rather daunting mess for either child or adult to clean up.  (Now, now, before you comment: I know we could all avoid this situation in the first place with better habit training and that will come again at some point when I have the focus to make it happen...  So, if you have a strategy for undoing a bad habit you have let creep into your home, please do share it.  It would be highly welcomed!  However, comments such as, "Well, why are you letting the mess happen in the first place?” would not be very helpful.  The answer is long and leads to little in the way of solutions...) 

In any case, over the weekend, at one point when our living room floor became impassable and clean-up time was upon us, the usual strategies (i.e. setting a timer for a Ten Minute Tidy, doing it together, singing clean-up time songs, talking about what we could do after we clean up, etc.) were obviously not going to work.  At that point, instead of letting frustration creep in on Mike and my parts and ensuing protests and melt-downs on the kids' parts, we put on our Fine Motor-Montessori lenses and decided to simply make clean-up time a playful challenge in itself.  Since Luke and Nina are forever trying to go into our kitchen drawers to use the tools in them, and since I realized that we haven't done much formal tonging work of late, when the clean-up time protests came, I countered them with this challenge:  Who can pick up the most small objects with Mama’s tongs?  Suddenly, clean-up time was anything but a drudgery!

Tongs in hand, Luke and Nina became thoroughly engaged in picking Lincoln Log set piece after Little Person animal figurine.  (Granted, Luke sometimes thought it was fun to purposely drop some of these into the wrong containers.)  And so, our clean up time with fine motor fun solution of the week has become TONGS!

(And, for those who are surprised and wondering:  Yes, our boy is sucking a lollipop whilst cleaning up.  And, no, this is not a usual situation in our home.  Daddy had taken Nina out to do errands earlier in the day and didn’t know I always say “no” to the teller’s lollipop offer at the drive-through at the bank.  So, Nina came home all excited to tell me about her discovery: bank people give out lollipops, and to let me know that she’d happily sucked her little bank treasure down to the stick.  Needless to say, Luke was a little envious, and since he had “helped Mama” a lot while Daddy had been out, just as Nina had “helped Daddy” with the errands, we opted to go into our leftover Easter Bunny stash to give him a lolli, too.)

We’d love to hear about your fine motor fun and clean up time strategies.  Please leave a comment!

This post is linked to Montessori Monday, Mondays Montessori Moment, and Works for Me Wednesday.