Bad Mama Day Turned Good

Make me clean, Lord, for this child and and his siblings!

One day last week, I had a rather bad Mama day and knew I was modeling nothing but impatience, frustration and, well, all things opposite of what I wish to share with our children. 

Late in the evening, once Luke and Nina were asleep and Jack was cuddled next to me, squeaking as he sometimes does, I looked down at him and felt incredible guilt.  The raised voices.  The impatient atmosphere.  The unnecessary outbursts.  The negativity.  This beautiful, innocent, little child should not be subject to anything of the sort.  In fact, none of my kids should be.  So, why have I been succumbing to ill behaviors

I wondered, “What am I doing?”  “Am I really cut out to homeschool?”  “Heck, am I really cut out to parent?”  “Am I living God’s call or simply ready to call it quits?”  Doubt crept in.  Self-centered thinking prevailed.

I…I…I 

I had had a bad day.  What am I doing?  Am I really cut out to homeschool? Heck, am I really cut out to parent?  Am I living God’s… Blah, blah, blah…. Ah ha!

God.

Thankfully, He stepped in and whispered, “What about me?”  “What about them?”  “What about the big picture?”

When we started this journey as a family, we had that picture clearly in mind.  More recently, I have let it become blurred.  I have tripped things up.  Thus, I must relent, repent, refocus – pray! 

I must ask Him to make me clean and invite Him more fully into my heart.  Only by doing so, can Mike and I guide our children along the happy-heart paths we desire for them.

Indeed, about a year ago, I wrote, “... we hope to make a difference in our children’s lives – both here and in the hereafter. We aim to define ourselves as followers of the unique characteristics that God has placed within each of our hearts. We seek to learn more about our own temperaments and talents. We desire to honor our Creator through training ourselves to think, inquire and trust. In short, we want to discover what we are supposed to learn and live how we are meant to live so that we might most fully receive God’s grace in Heaven at the end of our journey.”  I still want these things and am confident He wants them for our family, too.  

Praise God for helping me see my own flaws and faux pas and for bringing me up short about my self-centeredness so that I might both seek forgiveness and pray for strength.

With Him guiding, I can capitalize on the better parts of my temperament, train myself to think more grateful and joy-filled thoughts and trust that all will be well, however bad my day seem.  Love, laughter and more positive learning can and will color our days.  (They already are again!)

He is in our hearts.  If I simply get myself out of our way, letting Him lead, our journey is full of gratitude, grace and happy heart moments.

Join others for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!  And take the  30-Minute Challenge at Steady Mom.

Works for Me Wednesday (Vol.1): Round-the-Clock Mom, Full-time Home Educator, Part-Time Independent Contractor

This is my first Works for Me Wednesday post, and, to start off, I am taking the title quite literally. My work works for me...

As some folks might know, besides training up my own children, I teach drama to grade and middle schoolers, tutor all ages in a variety of subjects, do typing and resume services for folks who ask and advise young instructors in curriculum planning. I love all of these jobs, because each allows me to use my gifts to serve others while helping our family’s financial outlook. The typing and advising I can do from home – during the day when the kids are engaged in some play or learning experience that mandates that I am nearby, but not necessarily interacting with kids, at night, when the kids are settled, basically, at any time that I can fit in with Mommihood. The tutoring and teaching, of course, I do outside my home. And, though these commitments take me away from my main calling of Wifedom and Mommihood, I often find myself coming home with an “ahhh” sort of feeling. The change of pace from home, husband and kids (as much as I cherish all three!) is sometimes just what I need. Plus, knowing that I am helping kids in my community to learn, grow and develop is awesome. Just as in 1 Cor 12:12-30, by weaving my paid work into my work as Wife, Mom and Homemaker, I feel like I am using the gifts I have been given to help God’s larger body... So, truly, while my work – both paid and unpaid – works for me.

I find I often explain to other Moms why I choose to stay home, focusing on kids, home and husband first. Likewise, I find I cannot recommend any of my paid gigs enough to other parents who need to find employment that works around kids and a variety of scheduled commitments. All the jobs I do are fairly flexible and offer decent income for minimal hours. And, each comes with its own rewards. Teaching drama and tutoring provide fun work with youth and the payoff of seeing children grow. Typing and resume work help me get to know other folks better, using my strengths to bolster theirs. Curriculum advising allows me to mentor and collaborate with young educators, passing on nuggets from my own experience while helping to make my mentees’ experiences that much more successful. So, I often find myself sharing information about what I do with like-minded Moms and Dads. The two franchises I contract with – Drama Kids and Club Z – are both well run and a pleasure to work for. Explo schools, the organization I advise for in the spring, runs fantastic summer discovery programs for kids. All of my independent contracts provide not only simply work, but work that works for me and my family. Perhaps such jobs could work for someone reading this, too. I hope so!

And, I hope, as my own children grow and witness my independent contract work, it works for them – helping them realize that we each have talents and interests, which, when pursued after prayer, can lead to wonderful symbiotic opportunities between “life” and “work”. For, if there are two things I want to train up my children to do when they hit working age, they are:

1. To always remember that we should not live to work, but work to live. By doing something we enjoy and are good at, we can stay true to this ideal.

2. To recognize each of us has gifts and we can honor God, others and ourselves by offering these gifts within the working world.

And, so, this Wednesday, as I head into another day of taking care of home, husband and kids, while finding moments to type, before heading out to teach drama and tutor, I can declare: My work (paid and unpaid) definitely works for me! Time to get to it...

For others Works for Me Wednesday tips on a wide variety of topics, please visit We Are THAT Family.