Find Five Ways... A Simple Strategy for Overcoming Unkind Hands, Words and Feet

Unkind hands.  Unkind words.  Unkind feet. 

The boys needing a "relationship repair"...

When you are living with a household of young ones, such things can seem to proliferate. 

My remedy?  Habit training!

Whose habits?  Everyone’s!

Like many children, mine have some frustrating habits of hitting, yelling, threatening, biting, pushing, kicking light-sabering, etc.

In reaction to such behaviors, I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen into some not-so-productive habits of yelling, over-talking, getting upset, doling out punishments or otherwise generally adding to angst and negativity in our household whenever the kids “get into it” with one another or with me.

This is a problem.  A big problem, in my opinion, as it directly opposes our family mission to S.M.I.L.E. 

So, I decided to do something about it.  Something simple.  Something I could stand by.  Something that would focus us all on discipline not punishment and on kind habits to build, instead of negative behaviors to avoid.

Enter:

Find Five Ways

Relationship healed! Smiles restored.

Whenever one of the children uses their hands, words or feet unkindly, I simply stop what we are doing, name what they have done and ask them in a calm tone to find five ways to use their hands, words or feet in a positive way.  I remind them to consider making amends for whatever they have done and repairing relationships with whomever they have hurt.

Example One: Words

When Nina bursts forth with, “I wish my brother was never even born!”, I say, “Nina, those words are hurtful.  Please find five ways to use kind and loving words.”

Then, if she doesn’t begin to do so within a minute or two, I motivate her to do so by letting her know “Nina, you must first find five ways to use kind and loving words before you can join us for (whatever the next fun thing we have planned in our day is.)”

Then, Nina usually gets started:

“Mommy, I love you... Jack, I love you...  Jack, you are such a good brother.” 

I see positive energy building in her, but no recognition of the fact that her words hurt her older brother, not her younger one.  Thus, I calmly say, “Nina,  I love you, too, and so does, Jack.  I bet Luke is feeling sad.  You hurt him with your words before...” 

Within a few minutes, Nina usually then succumbs to an “I’m sorry, Luke.”  Then, I ask her to find for one more way to use kind words and we are off with the rest of our day.

Example Two:  Feet

Luke kicks out at Jack in frustration when Jack comes too close to Luke as Luke is seeking alone time. I come to the room, observe and note, “Luke, you hurt your baby brother.  He’s crying.  I had to stop doing my chore so I could help calm him. Please find five kind ways to use kind feet towards your brother and towards our house.”  Luke balks for a moment, but then walks over to his crying brother to give him a hug. 

He walks to me to give me a hug.

“You are using your feet to walk to each of us to give hugs.  I love your hugs.  You need to use your feet to help our home, too.”

“Aw, Mom.  Why do I always have to clean?” Luke retorts.

“Luke, you stopped Mommy from doing chores right now, so you need to take some time to help our home.  Please walk around until you find three things to pick up and put away.”

Begrudgingly, Luke picks up three things in his room.  Without even realizing it, he picks up a fourth.  I thank him and he goes back to his drawing and coloring.

Example Three: Hands

Jack tries to tear something out of Luke’s hands at the table.  I stop eating, and helping to pry Jack’s fingers off the thing to give back to Luke, I say, “Jack, you used unkind hands.  Hands are not for grabbing.  They are for hugging. Please hug Luke.”  Jack smiles and hugs Luke.

“Thank you, Jack.  You hugged Luke.”  Jack laughs and hugs Luke again.

“What other fun things can we do with our hands?”  I ask.

Nina and Luke suggest things such as clapping and tickling.  Jack and his siblings begin to do each thing. 

By the time we reach five “good” things we can do with out hands, everyone is giggling and we get on with our meal and circle time.

Does It Always Work?

I have been employing this strategy for over a week now with great success, but can already attest:  It does not always work flawlessly all the time. 

Sometimes I have to strongly hold the kids to task, counting off their “kind” actions as they go and sticking to them like a shadow until they finish the challenge.

Sometimes they refuse to act kindly and then are required to “shadow me” until they have found five ways to use their hands, words or feet kindly.  Often, when they are shadowing me, they whine.  Whining is considered “ugly” in our home and “hurts other’s ears”, so if they whine, they have to add five kind and loving ways to use their voices to their list of must-do’s.  It can begin a viscous cycle, but through prayer and patience, I usually endure, and, in time, they reset with positive actions and words.

Will you have success with Find Five Ways, too?  I hope so!  Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Our Assumption Day Tea – A Day Full of Moments of Grace

Note:  This post contains some affiliate links.  Should you choose to click on these and to make any purchases, we may receive income.  

Happy Assumption of Mary Day!

Having gathered ideas for our Assumption Day tea last week, I found our day this past Wednesday punctuated by periods of creative focus and joyful celebration.  In other words, we were blessed with many moments of grace.

Decoration

Originally, we had plans to celebrate our Assumption Day tea with friends during the day, but when our friend’s schedule changed, we decided we would celebrate the tea with Daddy after he got home from work.  Since Daddy likes to enjoy outdoor time on pleasant evenings, we knew the tea would be outside, so we kept the decorations simple:

Everyone happy to celebrate.  Yes, even Luke. (His face is because he wants to eat, not take a photo.)

• the centerpiece the children made during the day

• a white candle for the liturgical color of the day

• a blue candle to remind us of Mary

• an Immaculate Heart of Mary candle to include images of Mary and Jesus at the table.

Tea Time Fare 

Assumption Day Waffles

• The children enjoy chocolate almond milk more than tea, so that was the celebratory drink we used.

• For evening tea edibles, we enjoyed "Assumption Day Waffles", which were made with GFCF waffles as “the earth”, topped with homemade agave-blueberry sauce “sky” that had vanilla coconut milk ice cream “clouds” floating in it.  We moved a fresh blueberry (blue for Mary’s color) or cashew (whitish for the purity of Mary, since one young man in our home refuses to eat blueberries) to go from our “earth” to our heavenly “clouds” as we recalled the story of the Assumption.

• We also served an extra dish of blueberries and nuts, since we wanted to include a bit more protein and produce at the table and since Assumption Day festivities often include first fruits.

Prayer

Jack's Hail Mary Coloring

• During the day, the children colored pictures of Mary that had the Hail Mary printed at the bottom and prayed the traditional prayer afterward.

 

• At the actual tea, we prayed the Hail Mary, Grace and some personal prayers.

Activities

Our centerpiece was made by all the children together and includes Mary and Jesus in the heavens and children on earth praying to them.

• At breakfast, before getting arts-and-crafty for the day, we read the entire Mary: The Mother of Jesus book.  We revisited the Assumption page of the book during our tea.

Our Assumption Day Liturgical Table and Storyboard Wall

• The children paused during the tea to bring Daddy inside to see the Liturgical Table and wall display they had created during the day.  While there, they narrated the story of the Assumption to him using the story board they had created on the wall.

• After tea, we participated in an evening Assumption Day Mass, where, blessing of blessings, Luke was better than he’s been at a mass in a long time!

Did you enjoy any special moments on the Assumption of Mary day this past week?  When were your other moments of grace?

Sharing Moments of Grace with other lovely ladies at Suscipio.

2012-2013 School Planning: Faith and Character, Part Two (Assessment and Documentation)

 The other night, Nina and I skipped out for some “just us girls” time grocery shopping and stopping by a Staples for their Extreme Deal of the Week. 

While we were at Staples, we also took advantage of their binder trade-in deal, where we could recycle old, empty and abused binders in return for receiving $2 off brand new binders. 

The next day, as I thought about the approach our family is taking this year for Faith and Character studies, I considered how we might best document whatever learning the Spirit leads us to enjoy.  In addition, I wondered what tools we might use to assess how each of our Faith and Character Learning Objectives is met throughout the year.

The answer came to me:  notebooks!

Thus, the children and I took a mini-step yesterday in putting together our Faith and Character Notebooks by hole-punching the St. Anne coloring and narrations we had done as a part of our St. Anne Liturgical tea, as well as the Hail Mary coloring pages we did yesterday as a part of our Assumption Day celebrations, and putting them into binders.

On my next trip to Staples, I will be purchasing dividers, so we can make the next mini-step in our Faith and Character Notebook making, which will be setting up the section of the binders as:

• Prayer:  copies of traditional prayers the children have learned and those they are in process of learning; photos and observations related to prayer;  a photo of personal prayer corners we hope to set up; etc.
• The Word:  narrations and drawing of Bible stories; copywork and drawings of Bible verses; etc.
• Living Our Liturgical Year: drawings, coloring pages and narrations about the saints and Liturgical year celebrations and observances; photos of Liturgical Table displays and Liturgical Teas; etc.
• Catechism:  copywork of My First Catechism questions and answers; observations, notes and photos related to the Catechism; etc.
• Sacraments:  photos, observations and notes related to understanding and living the Sacraments
• Character and Virtues/Christian Living:  examples and photos of character an virtues in action

We may also set up a cross-discipline Geography notebook that will include notations of  where saints lived and Bible events took place in it.

In addition, if all aligns right, perhaps this year will be the year that the pocket children’s calendar focusing on both liturgical and natural seasons that I began envisioning – and even creating – years ago finally becomes a reality, but this year in a notebook form which we can take with us wherever we happen to be.

What are your favorite tools and strategies for assessing Faith an Character studies?  Please share!

Note: It would appear that as I have been taking my planning in bits, I have sharing it that way as well.  The other portions of our planning to date can be found by scrolling through School Planning 2012-2013. 


Please note: Links to Amazon within this post and others are affiliate ones. Should you choose to click through one to make any Amazon purchase, we may receive a small percentage of the sale. This does not cost you anything, but is a choice we thank you for making. Anything we make from links goes straight back into training up our children and sharing how we are doing it with you. Thank you!

2012-2013 School Planning: Faith and Character, Part One (Including First Grade Objectives)

Blessed with Morning Devotional Time

Although I haven't shared anything about our school planning for the fall since I wrote Planning to Plan, I have been living my intentions to:

• honor the hours of these summer days when I can be present with my children without being distracted by an excess of work and appointments.
• remain ready to take advantage of ten minutes here or fifteen minutes there to ready some of our supplies for the year.
• utilize longer stretches of time once the kiddoes are asleep to reflect upon the past year and prepare for the coming one without doing so for so long that I see the night begin to turn to dawn.

As I have been doing so, I have realized oh, how I tend to dream so big that little becomes a reality.   

There is just so much I want to do that sometimes I set myself up to do nothing – or at least little beyond planning and re-planning, listing an re-listing, shuffling and then sizing up what I accomplish as “not enough”, which causes me to plan list again... 

It’s a ineffective cycle, and one I am not proud of.

Sometimes I excuse myself as a recovering perfectionist living in an extraordinarily imperfect state that prevents me from  accomplishing what I set out to do.  Then, I realize that I am the one who created much of the imperfect state.  (Just ask my husband about the condition of our bedroom!)  It’s not easy to own up to the fact, but I do.  I admit that there are a gazillion ideas and tasks that crowd my mind, and, sometimes, until I can get them all organized and delineated, I (for lack of a better analogy) spin my tires. 

I don't want to keep spinning, but old habits die hard and so I still find times when my brain spins and spins, kicking up lots of mud, but not moving us towards our goals anytime soon.  The perfectionist in me wants to create a faultless plan before taking action, so success is delayed.  Intention fails to become expediently realized objectives.  In short, there are too many times that I wallow – stuck – unable to create what I have pictured in my head and unwilling to accept anything less.

Such was the case with our Faith and Character studies last year...  I had plans – big plans, but many of the tools and resources I intended to implement remained but a dream.  

Yes, we participated in Mass, read some Bible stories and saint stories, sang along with faith-based CD’s, enjoyed a few Saints Teas and made inconsistent efforts with our Liturgical Tables.  However, formal study of the Catechism, focused Scripture Memory beyond Hide ‘Em in Your Heart CD’s, progress with the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd,  focus on Character Trait/Values Studies, dabblings in Sacred Music Appreciation, attempts at Sacred Art Appreciation, consistent reading of the Catholic Children’s Treasure Box books, daily Devotional use, regular readings of the Psalms and Proverbs and weekly play with Bible felts, Bible Story toys or faith-based story baskets were all lacking.  Some of this was due to circumstances beyond my control , but part of it was also due to the fact that if I could not lay something out flawlessly, I set it aside for a time when I could and, well, that time rarely came.

And, let's be honest, perhaps I was hoping to lay out far too much!  None of the long list of ideas that I just shared are bad.  But, all together, they add up to a lot of mental – and even physical – clutter that takes away from the simple objective of teaching the children to know and love God and others.

Luckily, as I reflect on my failings of the past year of Faith and Character studies for my children, I also recognize grace at work.  Learning happened anyway.  Granted, I did not recognize all of it as it unfolded, because I sometimes I was too busy berating myself for what I wasn’t doing instead of getting out of my self-centered way to see the amazing things that He was doing.  

So, this year, I plan to let Him take the wheel on Faith and Character a bit more.  I will not set myself up for defeat by delineating such a long list of faith formation and character training ideas and activities.  I will quiet the buzz in my brain and not add to the clutter of my home.  Yes, I will pause, pray and choose one “curriculum piece” at a time to actualize as I feel led to do so.

Along the way, I am confident that the Spirit will guide our family to learn what we need to this year.  If within that learning, we hit upon some of the following Faith and Character objectives, which I hope that Luke, as a first grader, might meet, with Nina and Jack following suit at their own paces, so much the better!

Faith and Character Objectives for First Grade

• Develop individual prayer life and relationship with Jesus.
• Pray basic prayers:

-      Sign of the Cross

-      Our Father

-      Hail Mary

-      Glory Be

-      Table Blessing

-      Apostles Creed

-      Prayer to Guardian Angel

-      Morning Offering 

• Recognize and retell various stories of the Bible.
• Live the Liturgical Year through celebrating Mass, enjoying Liturgical Teas, creating Liturgical Table displays, learning more about the saints, etc.
• Recite answers to the Baltimore Catechism questions for lessons 1‐7.
• Map some of the geography of Bible lands (in conjunction with other studies)
• Memorize five or more Bible verses.
• Actively participate in parish Generation of Faith program.
• Continue to strengthen positive character.

Do you have Faith and Character goals or benchmarks in mind for your children this year?  What are they?

Note: It would appear that as I have been taking my planning in bits, I have sharing it that way as well.  The other portions of our planning to date can be found by scrolling through School Planning 2012-2013.

Montessori at Home... with Shot Glasses?!?

The other day, I was browsing some pictures from May when I ran across a sequence of photos I took of Jack during our Mix and Match GFCF Chocolate Cake taste testing. I had forgotten I had taken them and they made me smile.

Jack pours himself a drink.

Maybe a little too much of a drink.

But, oh it is so good!

More!

In these photos, you may note that in Jack is drinking out of a shot glass.   I know that this may seem like a rather odd choice:  a generally teetotaler family gives their toddler a shot glass to drink from?  What gives?

An affinity for Montessori, that’s what.

In Montessorian schools and home, you are much more likely to find real glasses being used than sippy cups.   Why?

Glassware in Montessori

Maria Montessori believed in offering children the privilege of caring for real, beautiful objects as a part of developing their aesthetic senses.  Glass is far more authentic and beautiful than plastic, don’t you think?

Now, I hear you:  “But what about when it breaks?  That’s not beautiful, is it?”  

Well, that all depends on your view of beauty.  If a broken glass or two brings a child to a place of responsibility and control of movement, such occurrences can be quite striking.  When given glasses from a very early age, children soon discover that they must be careful.  If they throw a glass on the ground, it can break.  If they want to continue drinking, they have to maintain control of movement.  Before long, they begin handling glasses with pride and care.  (I have three children that evidence this.  Sure, there are still sometimes broken glasses around here, but accidents happen and children learn.  I am okay with that!)

So why shot glasses?

Maria Montessori understood that young children learn through imitation.  When they see what the adults around them are doing, they want to do the similarly.  At the table, we can honor such wishes by providing opportunities for children to drink from open glasses just like we do.  For, indeed, drinking from an open cup is a big deal for little ones.  

As children master  the skill of drinking from “real glasses” their self-worth grows.  When given “real glasses” sized for their little hands to be successful with, that confidence grows even more quickly.

Give your child a tall glass.  It might be difficult to move it to the right angle to drink successfully from it.  Try a shorter juice glass.  It could be hard for a little hand to wrap around.  Offer a shorter, narrower glass?  Now, we’re talking success.  Make it a shot glass.  Now we are also talking parental prudence.

The child can easily manipulate a shot glass while mastering the skills of drinking from an open cup.  He can also experiment with how spills happen without the spills being too large. 

Further, if raucous adults can accidentally drop shot glasses on a bar floor to have them miraculously bounce more often than not, can’t a child drop one from the weaning table (or even kitchen table) without as much worry about breakage?  Yes, shot glasses will break – but not every time.  So, while they still provide children opportunities to learn about natural consequences and control of movement, they do so without demanding so much clean up!

I speak from experience here.

When Luke, now six, was transitioning to a cup, I decided to “go Montessori” with it by keeping open glasses in the mix.  But, since Luke was (and still is!) a child who needs to test everything, I realized I needed rather durable glasses if we were both to survive the learning period without much injury or insanity.  So, I put a request out on our local Freecycle list asking for family friendly shot glasses -- ones without words or artwork on them that I would not want my children asking about.   

One  kind woman offered us five or six shot glasses and, believe it or not, most of these have been through all three children's open-cup transition without breaking!

 

What are your favorite “real” and “beautiful” meal time objects to use with your young ones?

Planning an Assumption of Mary Tea: A Resource Round-Up

Image Source: Wikimedia

It’s a new month, which means it’s a new opportunity to enjoy a renewed tradition of celebrating liturgical teas in our home.  As such, this coming week, we plan to enjoy a tea in honor or the Assumption of Mary.

Now, this won’t be the first time we celebrate this day.  In fact, a couple of years ago, the children and I spent a lovely morning creating a process-not-product mural in honor of the day and, although there were no cakes nor juice boxes – as Luke had wished for – we had a fruitful discussion and drama in honor of Our Lady’s Assumption.  No doubt, this year’s tea will turn into something different than I envision once I introduce the idea of our tea to the children, just as it did with our St. Anne tea.  But, just so I will have a plethora of resource ideas – and so I could share them with others who may be planning Assumption of Mary Feast Day Celebrations, I decided to do a round up of ideas.  Enjoy browsing the many festive ideas I’ve collected!

Decoration

• We recently purchased blue and white candles similar to the ones we used at our St. Anne tea.  So, we will likely use those as symbols of Mary’s traditional color.
• Sensory fun at the table could be had with lots of puffy white cotton ball clouds to remind us of the heavens.
• Make a centerpiece inspired by the craft at Powerful with God.
• Create a stand-up tri-fold centerpiece inspired Marian Panel Art.

Tea Time Fare (plant-strong, yet festive GFCF, additive/preservative/dye-free)

• Enjoy herbal fruit punch drinks inspired by those at Sun and Candlelight.
• Make GFCF beer bread like the one at Just Like Mary.
• Herbed biscuits or bread since it is traditional to bless herbs.
• Grapes an blueberries, since it is traditional to bless fruits.
• Blueberries on vanilla coconut ice cream (to represent Mary in the clouds of the Heavens.)

Prayer

• Pray the Acts of Faith, Hope and Love as described on Catholic Culture.
• Color this cute drawing of Mary that goes along with the Hail Mary prayer to put in personal prayer notebooks.
• Recite a decade of the Rosary, perhaps using our Rosary for Children CD’s, if I can find them.
• Create personal prayers.

Activities

• Read one or more Mary books that we already own or that I am able to order from the library.
• Make and read mini-books made with the the Mary’s Life cards I recently discovered online.
• Play with our 3-Part Life of Mary Sequencing Cards.

• Make the Mary Coloring and Activity Page from Catholic Mom for our Saint notebooks.
• Color this simple one-page coloring sheet that was found alongside many Marian activities at Florida Center of Peace site. 
• Select from any of the free coloring pages on Roman-Catholic Catechism or the ones at Bible Kids to make mandelas like the ones at Just Like Mary.
• Design new Mary Spoon Dolls like the ones we gave away in our Mary Baskets a couple years back.

• Create and Assumption Star craft such as the on depicted at Shower of Roses.
• Read this wonderful excerpt and utilize the pdf that is linked to at Family in Feast and Feria’s Assumption Day post.

Plus, for my own learning, I will likely spend some quiet time on the day of our tea (and the ones leading up to it!), clicking through links at textweek.

If you know of other great resources for celebrating the Assumption of Mary, please share so it can be added to this round up of ideas!

If you receive this post via email and cannot see the linky, be sure to actually click over to the blog to read browse the rich catalog of ideas there.  

Please note: Links to Amazon within this post and others are affiliate ones. Should you choose to click through one to make an Amazon purchase, we may receive a small percentage of the sale. This does not cost you anything, but is a choice we thank you for making. Anything we make from links goes straight back into training up our children and sharing how we are doing it with you. Thank you!

Star Wars and Faith?

Queen Amadala and Anakin ready to explore ...

Tonight, after I read my children's bedtime stories, my six year old told me that he was going to read me a book.  He went and fetched a Star Wars reader that he recently borrowed from our local library and, then, began to proudly puzzle out the words in it.

As I listened to my son read and witnessed the smile growing ever bigger on his face while he did, I could not help but to smile, too.  My son is still a budding reader and this moment was huge!

So, what does this milestone have to do with faith?

Everything!

As a parent, I have to have faith that my son will meet developmental, academic and spiritual milestones in good (God) time.  I also have to trust that any interest that becomes a passion in my children is one that can be used for good, and though not all good must be directly related to faith formation, at this stage in my child's life, much of it can be.

Well, Star Wars lights both my oldest son and his sister up.  They devour Star Wars readers; turn paper, boxes and recyclables into Star Wars play sets; draw page after page of Star Wars scenes; make up their own Star Wars adventures...Not a day passes in our home without Star Wars speak punctuating it.

To my great pleasure, that speak often points to faith precepts.  Replete with examples of good and evil, comparisons to our own world and analogies of grace, the Star Wars story (and my children's affinity for it!) has opened up countless opportunities to discuss, weigh in on, dramatize and think about universal faith themes at a level my kids can understand and within the scope of a topic they love.

The imaginary Star Wars galaxy has  become a catalyst in our home for exploring God's real galaxy and our place within it.  In fact, my children are so inspired that they asked me to design a class for our local Catholic homeschooling co-op tying Star Wars and faith together.

Praises be that there is truth that God does not call the equipped, but equips the called.  Although I played light sabers in the back yard as a child after seeing Star Wars with my siblings, I never got that into the galaxy far, far away.  Moreover, never in my life would I have imagined myself spending hours planning out a Catholic Star Wars course.  However, my children's passion has directed my own and I have enjoyed spending quiet time lately developing a plan to facilitate six hours of fun, faith and learning for young Star Wars fans.  May the Spirit guide me to do so well...  And, may I never question why my children love something they do, but rather how that something will be sued for good.

May the a Spirit-directed force be with us all!

What passions of your children's could become a springboard for faith chats or exploration?  Do you have favorite Star Wars resources?  Do share!

 
Please note:  Links to Amazon within this post and others are affiliate ones. Should you choose to click through one to make an Amazon purchase, we may receive a small percentage of the sale. This does not cost you anything, but is a choice we thank you for making. Anything we make from links goes straight back into training up our children. Thank you!